Day Twenty Five.

A year and one day ago, almost exactly to the minute, I was walking down the hall, after saying goodbye to one of my closest friends. Tears streaming down my face, I said goodbye, and knew it was forever.

Allie Higdon

Allie, my biggest regret, would have to be our friendship starting out so late. I remember the first day of school, walking into Science with ABSOLUTELY no one, and being scared out of my mind. I remember seeing you, and being like - she's new, we should be friends. I was too scared, to say anything, and when one of us FINALLY did, I'm not sure who or when it was, it was too late.

We had so many memories, in so little time. So many days at lunch at your house, rushing back to school to make it on time for science. Going out for Lunch with my parents, and my dad saying Newfie jokes the whole lunch. The Bi Boys, I really could go on forever.

I appreciate you so much, you helped me become a better person, and I truly miss you, Allie. We had so much fun in so little time, and I know if given the oppourunity , we could of been the most amazing friends, ever. We never did get that sleepover, and we never took any pictures. We didn't get to do a lot, but it doesn't matter , you'll always be one of my best friends.

I miss you a lot, we were doing so well for talking, we used to talk so much - now we never do. IT makes me really sad, because at one point we knew everything about each other, and a few day break was like a lifetime. Allie, no matter what, I'm always here for you. Ontario or Newfoundland - I'd do anything for you, because you've helped me so much. Nothing could change the way I feel about our friendship, or stop me from missing you. I hope it wasn't goodbye forever, but "see you later"

I love you, like a friend, like a sister, like a piece of me that is missing.

Day Twenty Four.

I can't forget that day, we had heard Uncle Mike was going on a date. We were not told with who but given a description, that sort of helped. "The new blonde girl, at the church". We tried for hours and hours to figure out who she was, who is this mysterious blonde girl Uncle Mike is dating. I remember Emily and I, walking to my house, and seeing that car with Uncle Mike in it, drive up, and RUNNING back to her house, so we could meet her.. Elsa.. Elsa Nanninga, now, Elsa Murphy. I love it. No matter what I say, it will not do her justice. But I will try my VERY hardest.

Elsa Murphy.

I've got to say, I love writing Elsa "Murphy" not Nanninga, ahah. Ever since I've met you, you've been so caring and so loving. You're always thinking of others, and never yourself enough. You are a friend, a youth leader, a sister, and someone I don't want to live without.

Miss.Positive, should be your nickname, haha, not really - it's gay, but you're one of the most positive people I know, always thinking about the good side, and trying to lift others up. Youth Group is so much different, and I must say I love the indepth lessons a lot more now.

Elsa, thank-you for being a positive role model in my life, thank you for being a sister, and always being there to talk, no matter what I needed. I won't forget that day you took me and the Vincents girls out , two summers ago. We had barely known you, and it was that point I was soo shy with you, I couldn't talk to you. That changed it all, and I am glad it happened. Thank-you, I love you, Elsa Marie Murphy.

Day twenty three.

I probably love you more than anyone in this world. I know, I don't show it often. You're the easiest way to get my emotions out, and I know you'll always forgive me.

Quinn Marr

My Baby brother, I could go on for days about you. From day one, the day you were born, you were my best friend. I won't ever forget that day Quinn Stuart. That day my little brother came into this world, I was so happy. I was going to be a big sister, and the best big sister on the face of the planet .. or so I thought.

That day, I was given a huge job, bigger than any other job I've had yet to recieve, and I've failed terribly. I know , I'm a terrible big sister. It kills me, Quinn - I wish I could be a good big sister, your best friend, and someone you look up to. I'm working on it, bud. I really am.

You see, I'd be lost if Mommy or Daddy died. But, I think you'd be the hardest to lose. You've always been my buddy. When no one is around and neither of us have anything to do, it's just you and me, and Quinn, I would be lost withut you.

Since the day you were born, I've always loved you like nothing else on this planet. You are my little brother, and if anyone wants to hurt you, they have to get past me. No one steals my job, only I can beat you up:)

I am jealous of you, Quinn. I am extremely jealous. You are such a cutie, and always have girls. I wish I got some of those looks , ahah. You've always stolen from me, and you didn't stop there.

Quinn, I love you with my entire heart, entire life. I hope you realize that. You mean everything to me little brother, and I don't want to imagine a day without you. It's YOU that I missed the most this summer at camp..

Day Twenty Two.

I don't respect you, like you, love you, or ever want to meet you. I don't want to see your face, hear your voice or have anything to do with you, for the rest of my life. Despite all of that, I am more grateful for you than you could imagine, or care to know.

Francis Walmsley.

You know, I truly dislike you, almost enough to say I hate you. You have never done one thing for me in my entire life, and you are beyond pathetic. You wouldn't be on here if you hadn't given me the most important thing to me, my Mom.

The past sixteen years of my life, I've met you once. And that is far more than enough for I. I was young, I don't remember, but I am grateful. You have never once attempted again since then, nor have you met my little brother. You've caused nothing but heartache, torment, or pain to my family, but I couldn't thank you enough times.

My Mommy, truly means e v e r y t h i n g to me, I know I don't admit it usually , nor show it. But, I would be lost without her. You see, she's amazing, and you never did realize that. You've shown so much hatred to her over the years, but she still loves and respects your alcoholic ass, I don't know why, but it shows how big her heart is.

If I never meet you again, I'll live a happy life. I've forgiven you, I used to habour much pain with our lack of relationship but I've realized that although you only live like 8 minutes away, that treck is too far for someone you don't care about. You are truly stupid, and I never want to meet you, not again. I hope you die happy, knowing you ruined every SINGLE good thing you EVER had going for you, Francis.

BUT, I can't end like that. Because once again, thank-you for allowing me to have the beautiful, amazing, and strong willed Mom, you produced. Her and Uncle Rob are the only good things you've ever given me, but I am beyond happy.

Day Twenty One.

I am just recently realizing all I put this woman through , while she helped out in our youth group. Now, myself, being a kids club helper, I realize all we put her through and my sympathy for her is never ending...

Krystal Jeffreys

The best youth group leader I've ever had, no one could do it like you Krystal. I remember hearing you left, I remember almost crying because youth group was so amazing, and I could never imagine a Tuesday without you.

Krystal, you did so much for not only I, but every single person whom attended youth group those three years you were leader. You not only came up with the most amazing games, you always had us entertained.

We put you through so much, and Rachel, Emily and I, often discuss that we don't know how you put up with us, because we would of given up long ago. We start complaining about the kids at kids club, and remember we were twenty times worse.

Youth group was literally a soap opera, you got us during the worst of times, but put up with us all the way. We're now old enough, and mature enough, we make it easy on uncle Mike and Elsa, sorry you got that time area! Haha.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for all you've done for us. I know, you were busy, with school but you always made time for us, you always went out of your way for us, and I will never forget the years of fun we had together. I miss you, Krystal. I do, a lot. Time from time, i'll be doing nothing on a tuesday, and miss youth group tons.

Thank you thank you thank you, i appreciate you more than you ever know. I love you!

Day Twenty.

This lady, means the world to me. I met her on my Baptism when I was ten years old. Six short years later, she is my aunt, and I don't know where I would be without her, her humor, her love, her fun.

Susan Walmsley

My Aunt Susan; Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love and care about my Aunt Susan. Respect is the definition of our relationship. She has not only made my uncle one happy man, she has made me happy. I remember when me and Meaghan [ her daughter ] were really good friends, and I'd go to her house all the time. I had so much fun,and made memories that they won't ever let me forget. I was a needy kid, what can I say.

My Aunt Susan, has shown so much love to me, I don't know what to with it. I always know if I need a laugh, like Grandpa, I can go to her. She is hilarious, and can think of something funny to say instantly.

She is amazing, seriously. I don't have words for my Aunt Susan, she is gorgeous, and funny, and nice, and the most loving mother I have ever met. Her daughter has many things wrong with her, and my aunt has always been there by her side, at the hospital at all hours, she is amazing.

I don't knw what I'd have done without you all these years Aunt Susan, I love you so much.

Day Nineteen.

I'm proud of myself, I've done this nineteen consecutive days, which is a big surprise for me, I usually suck at that stuff...

I find it hard to trust "boys" or men, I find it hard, they're just going to break me apart anyways, what's the point. There are two men I've always trusted, regardless of what they've done. One is my daddy, the second is a man I love and care about so very much. He has always been there, and he is the single funniest man I've ever met. I always look forward to our visits a lot.

Barry Marr
My Grandpa. Oh , Gramps, I've always loved you like no other, and respected you like no other person on this planet,not only are you my grandpa, but you're the funniest person I have ever met. You always make me laugh, every phone call, every e-mail, every visit, there is many laughs to follow, regardless of what happens.

Everyone of my friends who meet you, fall in love with you, not literally because that'd be weird. They each have their own memories of you, and things you've done, that have made them laugh uncontrolably, they're not as lucky as me though, I have 16 years worth.

You have always been one to cheer me up, and I know If I need you, you're there. I will always cherish and remember our special memories Gramps. Like walking on the "scary bridge" to this day when we go, we'll hold hands because I get scared, you laugh at me, but you hold my hand that whole way. Or playing crib, thats our Caitlin and Grandpa thing, when I stay at your house we always do it.

I'll always be your "little girl". I spent over 10 years being your only granddaughter, and being the first born by 4 years, we have those special times that will last a lifetime, I will never forget them. I wont forget that halloween my parent's couldn't take me out, so you drove after working all day from Omemee to Bowmanville, and dressed up as a cow to take me out. Those are the things I'll always remember and take with me where ever I go.

You have taught me so much, you've been one of my greatest teachers in life, ever. You've taught me, without trying, that life doesn't have to be a big serious battle. You don't have to be serious every second of ever day. Laughter truly is the best medicine, and your jokes have cured me from so much

I love you so much Grandpa, I am so lucky to have you in my life, and I know many people WISH they were as lucky as me. I'll always be your little girl, no matter how old I get.

My crazy life..

Ugh, please try to tell me this wouldn't stress you out, I'm not crazy for being stressed, am I?
It all starts tomorrow, two weeks of intense work, maybe even considered hell? Tomorrow, I am babysitting from nine to three, coming home, and then going pumpkin picking. For mine and Emma's personal project, we decided to do scarapolooza, a.k.a halloween week. Big project to do for our first event, but I think we can do it. One of the events throughout the week, is pumpkin decorating, we wanted carving but the princable wouldn't approve, so we're doing decorating. We are picking thirty pumpkins ourself between me, Emma and her dad Frank. Pretty intense. We have to unload all of those in Emma's garage. Then Sunday is my rest day, I'll go to church but not do too much, because it's my only day "off" in two weeks. Monday is our P.A day, but guess whos' going to school, how does that work- like really! Lol.. we are doing some stuff for London our trip we're going on, for three days, so we are going to do that. and then decorate the perch for halloween, then Mrs.Story is going over to Emma's house to pick up the Pumpkins, so we get to RE-LOAD them, and probably unload them at the school right after, fun? No. Not at all actually, ahah.
That is only the next three days... Tuesday is when Scarapolooza starts. They're starting a scavenger hunt, and mummifying teachers. I'm sure we'll have to judge the 'mummified teachers' and award points for the "most creative" I think it should be interesting, but hey, its another event. Wednesday is the pumpkin decorating, so we'll need to judge that, theres also hie and seek hootie, and candy grams being sold, just more crap for us to do in period three. Thursday is our busiest day, we have a bakesale to tend to, not to mention making all the food the night before, and a movie to figure out. I don't know, what . It has to be appropiate, but "halloween-y" and then after school there is a grade nine dance. So far, only five poeple have bought tickets, and it's less thgan a week away. NOT good, I'm worried. If it doesn't go well we won't get anymore dances this year, and I for one, really want one for us! They're so
much fun.S o we have to sell food there. Then Friday is actual halloween, and we'll have to figure out points for costumes, and scavenger hunts too. Theeen, it's halloween night, so me and Emma and steph are going trick or treating, I'm pumped. I haven't been since grade eight:(. Lol. So I am going, and I am being a computer nerd, yeee. Haha, shoudl be interesting again. Saturday I have to pack and get all ready for London trip [London Ontario, Not England, nor Scotland Danny!!] and then me and daddy are going mini putting. On sunday we leave for London, and we are gone until tuesday night. Wednesday I am helping out with grade eight day thing, and then have a dr's app. Thursday I can rest, YES , finally. First day in forever. Friday we're doing our first group event , bring your own banana, for banana splits. Oh, I totally forgot to mention, this is ALL one class, I still have a BUNCH of spanish and health care on top of this. Friggen hell, I know no one will read this - but SHOOT me;how am I going to do this :

Day Eighteen.

I was so close to rock bottom, so close to giving up, so many times. I almost had, and probably would have by now, if I didn't have the support this woman provided. Although, just a job for her, she has saved me and my life. She has been there for me so many times when I needed someone to talk to and kindly reminded me how stupid some of my antics are, she is going to be my saving grace, I know it. I don't have words for my gratefulness I have towards her.


Marnie Grant,

My social worker. I remember her walking down the hall the first day, of my first appointment. I was so sick of sharing my story, and my problems. I had done it to so many people, so many times. It was getting old, and I didn't want to share it anymore. Being a niave 15 year old, I went into her office deciding I didn't want to get better, nor make it better. I didn't want to get help, I was fine. I was content with my feelings, regardless of how absolutely terrible they were.

I was scared, so scared. Scared to share everything with another person just for them to turn away. This was her job, she did it all day everyday, I wasn't anything special to her. My trust that I had in her, started when she said " I know, you've been to many people and many doctors, I know you've shared this many times, and I cheated, Dr.Masobki told me some of it, I won't make you go through it all again"

Marnie has helped me many times, through past situations, and present situations. She taught me how to deal with future situations too. She has showed me, I will be okay. Apointment after appointment, time after time, she has been there to help me go through lives daily struggles, and help me become the person I am almost proud of;

I appreciate you for all you've done Marnie. I know it was your job, and is your job, but you are a person I have utmost respect for, and I could never repay you for all that you have done for me. I love you, I really do.

Day Seventeeennnnn ;

I look up to this one man more than anyone else on the planet. I love him more than words can express, and I would be lost without. He is my reason for existence, and without him I would be literally lost, for ever. I love you soo much

Mike Marr

My Daddy, my daddy is my life, literally. I care about him to death, and I love him with my whole heart. He is amazing and he means everything to me. I literally would be lost without him, and I wouldn't last a day without him.

I can't really explain to you, or him, or anyone what my dad means to me. He is my hero, my reason for living , my life, I love him so much

Daddy, I could type all day about how much I love you, but it would be pointless, no one else needs to know nor care, about it.

I love you to deattth , there is nothing i wouldn't do for you

Day Sixteen

"Friends are forever, boys are whatever". A quote I used so often on one friend, and a quote that didn't stand to be true.

Jennifer Elizabeth Brooks
In 1995, I met the girl that was supposed to be my 'best friend forever', no matter what happened. I was three years old, and never knew the true meaning of friendship. She was there through everything, she sort of had to be, being friends for 13 years means being through it all. She was there during my 'first crush', my 'first love', my 'first heartbreak' and she was my 'first best friend'

You can't just put away the memories, and let everything slide by, and I was not about to compromise. I never expected to go through what we have in the past year, our friendship was too special, and meant too much for me for that, but sometimes you've got to let go and move on, and I had no other choice

I was left to choose friends, left to decide, and make whatever desicion I felt right. I knew choosing friends wouldn't be easy, and I know that I shouldn't of chose friends, and I should of let it be, but I couldn't just leave it.

The hardest choice I ever made was between two friends, I do not regret the choice I made, but I do regret butting Jen out of my life, I won't ever forgive myself for getting rid of Jen. Jen, you've done so much for me, you've been here every step of the way, even when we were fighting, if I truly needed you, you were there. You're supportive of [most] decisions I make, and you make me laugh when tears are running down my face. I couldn't picture my life without you, or your influence on my life, you literally mean the world to me.

No matter what happens Jen, I won't ever give up on this friendship not fully, you mean too much to me for this. I won't give up , on us. I won't let boys ever get in the way again, that has happened too often. I won't stop the random walks, talking about whatever comes to mind. I won't stop laughing or smiling when I think of our many good times. I won't stop missing you, when we don't hang out, nor will I stop missing our past friendship, not now, not ever.

My first best friend, my last best friend, i love you to no end.

Day Fifteen

You've literally always been here, since the day I was born, I always have known I could count on you, for whatever it was. You always tell me how much you love me, and I truly look up to you, even though I often don't know how to express that.

Kelly Marr,

My Mommy. I know this blog might shock many of you, because you often hear the negative bullshit that escapes my lips, and not all this good I'm about to express. My Mom, has been there forever, and that I mean. She did everything for me, and she has tried and worked her hardest for me, since the day I was born.

September 10th, 1992, was one of the best days of her life, her baby girl was born, and her one day pride and joy. My mom, is the one I go to when I'm broken, and no one else cares. My Mom is the one who tells me I am beautiful, and I am smart. My Mom is the one who is there when the whole world walks out, telling me I'm worth more than that.

Mommy, no matter what I say, or how I act, you are my hero, and my life. I would be lost if ANYTHING ever happened to you, and I would not be able to live another day. No matter what happens, always know you baby girl loves you, looks up to you, and needs you more than anything in this world.

In her daughters eyes, she is a hero. She is strong and wise, and knows no fear. But the truth is plain to see, she was sent to rescue me. I see who I want to be, in my daughters eyes.

Puttng the Negative Glasses to rest....

I had a really good talk with my social worker today, probably one of the best. She had asked me to write a list, catorgorizing what I disliked about myself, weither it is Self Image or Self Esteem. I did so, and she asked me to pick one thing off the list that I would love to change, I would love to change my weight, I would love to change my face, and my personality, and my everything, but above all, I chose the negativity in my life.

I am a negative person, I know it and I believe it. Marnie helped me realize why. I dislike myself so much, that I want everyone to feel as terrible as I do. It makes sense, if I feel shitty about myself, they should too. If I hate my thighs, they should hate theirs. Although, that sounds naive and childish, it was my train of thought.

She asked me what a day would look like without my negative glasses, if a self esteem fairy came at night and stole them away from me, haha. I told her what a wonderful day it would be, how happy everyone would be, including myself. I realized my reasons for being negative are stupid, and not worth the pain I'm enduring, and or causing others.

Tomorrow, my negative glasses will be at rest, I hope you all can hold me accountable for it.

Day Fourteen.

"You manky slut!"

Carolann Sutherland.

I honestly could not imagine health care class without this girl. She is literally the definition of hilarious, and I never know what to expect. The jokes, and things this scottish girl comes up with , are honestly outragous.

I love you, Carolann. You're so funny, and my favourite Scottish girl, like ever :). Thanks for always making me laugh, and cheering me up during class, no matter my mood. You are actually amazing, and this is all sober, LOL. I couldn't imagine your drunk as I've heard all these stories, oh god.

I hope your appointment goes well tonight, LOL. I guess I'll see a video of it in this class, right? hahaa. We need to hang out, love you bitch :D

Day Thirteen

I have already wrote about this person, just a meer week ago, but re-reading her blog, I did not do her justice. Not to mention, I've learned soo much about her today.


Carron Manning

Only last week I stated why she was so amzaing. I told you how much she had been through in her life, and she was still so strong. I learned soo much more about Carron today, I learned what went on with her and her husband, and although I won't share, I could not imagine it. I learned how betrayed and hurt she was, how close she was to the edge.

How she has been in the position I am in, so many times, with many harder situations. I learned why she broke down, last week. How it was her 27th wedding anniversary if they were married, nd how they played her old piano that he used to play her love songs on.

Carron, has always done many things to show she loves us. From the simple hug she gave us through her tears this morning, to the pricely present she left the Vincents this evening, knowing how hard their day was.

Carron is a role model, and I love her, for being strong when no one else is.

Day Twelve.

I just realized, I'm missing a day. I know EXACTLY who I am going to write about ; so here you go :);


I still remember walking into that math class, every single day. Scared out of my mind, knowing you were going to be there, you were going to talk about me, you were going to make fun of me. and you werre gonig to put your backpack on that chair. I remember, how slowly I'd walk from third period to fourth, you intimdated me beyond belief. I remember how close I was to giving up and in because I couldn't handle YOU!

Stephanie Anne Smith!

Its funny, when talking about steph. We have been from best to worst, in a matter of years. In grade nine, you did the single nicest thing for me, I could ever pin point, and forthat I will ALWAYS be thankful. You asked me to have lunch with you, that September 25th, two days after I had lost my best friend, I couldn't ever repay you for that.

We have had our drama Steph, but honestly, not a day goes by that you don't make me laugh so hard I want to pee my pants, that you don't say something soo stupid, but soo funny, that you don't make me question "why the HELL am I her friend!?!"

We have had our past, and that is undenable, I might not ever forget whats happened, and I might not ever be 100 percent okay with it, but honestly, my day would not be the same without you, and I am so thankful for your friendship

You taught me how to be strong, you really did.
I love you.

Day Eleven.

My trust always happens to fall in the hands of adults, or atleast people my age. I don't have very many friends at all, but the ones I have are my age, and much much older. I never expected to have a friendship with someone two years younger, especially my best friend at the times, sister.

Rachel Anne

I don't really have words for Rachel, I don't. Rachel is two years younger than me, a minor niner, but I am soo proud to admit I'm her friend.

You won't meet many people with a bigger heart than rachel, many people who are more open, more loving, more caring. I guess I'm just blessed to know her. I would give my right arm for Rachie, I love her like any older sister would. I guess I've just got the good end of the deal, I don't have to live with her! Haha. We ALL know that doesn't work, at all.

We've been through everything me and Rach. We've been through almost losing our friendship quite a few times,but especially after camp. We didn't want anything to do with each other, but slowly, that changed, and we are best friends once again.

Rachel has taught me so much. She has helped me feel loved in the hardest of times, shes given me the biggest hug ever when I need it. She has provided me with her loving family, who are - pretty much - my second family. She has done so much for me, I couldn't imagine my life without her, and Rach; I wouldn't want to.

I love you so much.

Day ten.

I thought long and hard about todays post, whcih really should of been yesterdays but I didn't get a chance. This blog could of waited, it could of been any one of these blogs, and if I waited I might have more to say, but I feel like writing about her today.

"Have I told you how amazing you girls are?" "Yes, you tell us every single day!"

Mrs.Rhonda Story

No, I am not writing about my teacher because I am a suck up. Or because I pray my marks will be raised, I am writing about a huge influence in my life, who happens to be my teacher. This year, going into SLiC [student leaders initiatining change] I was terrified. I am not a leader, I am not ready for change. I am not outgoing. I can't do it !

That is the last time Mrs.Story would let me say I can't do it. Every time I try, I get the look and the remark "You can do ANYTHING!" Mrs.Story, is a huge part of the change I have become and done , in so little time. I have already become more organized, more open, more loving and more outgoing.

Mrs.Story, is always making me smile! She is so funny, and she is so nice. I never imagined a teacher being such an influence. I never imagined a teacher would tell me I am amazing, every single day; multiple times!

Mrs.Story, I owe you so much. I owe you many thanks, thanks for helping me become more confident, and always reminding me I CAN do it! For always listening, when I needed someone. For being so damn amazing in so little time. I really do love you.

Day Nine.

I remember the first time, I ever was made to feel beautiful. Maybe it wasn't the first time, but it was the first time a guy had called me beautiful and made me feel special. I couldn't ever forget those phone calls, those 'I love you's' those many conversations, that I never wished would of ended. But, all good comes to an end, eventually ; & I guess that didn't fail me this time either.

Tom Stephenson

Everyone has fallen for someone hard, and gotten hurt. He was my someone. He was just another guy, one who lived in England actually, whcih sucked because I truly cared for him. He was Emma's friend, who annoyed me to no end. I had never expected myself to like him as a friend, let alone how I ended up feeling.

Me and Him fought alot, we were like the two kids that couldn't get along, no matter what you did. Until that faithful day in November. We started talking, both apologizing for our stupid ways, prior. I started falling, and falling hard. How did I fall for a guy who I've never met, never seen in real life, and never talked to other than on the computer? I sure didn't see this one coming..

Oh I looked forward to being his friend, his girlfriend, and his "pal". I was a little ashamed to admit I was dating someone whom i'd never met and lived in England, but I cared about him, a lot , so I would put up with it.

I won't ever forget how he made me feel, and how he made me laugh. I won't forget watching 'when harry met sally' and being on the phone at the same time. Laughing about it, and talking about how similar we are to that. Oh, it was so much fun. I remember talking for hours, with him. Crying with him, and just talking to him, always. I dropped a lot for him, and to this day, I don't regret it.

Tom not only taught me what love was, he taught me how to love. He taught me I was special in my own way, and his daily "i love you's" and "you're beautiful" still stick with me in the toughest of times.

Day Eight.

I was in grade six, I had just started my friendship with a girl, she was trying to convince me to go to youth group - me; church?!?!?! No, way . I didn't believe in God let alone want to persue ANYTHING with him. He hadn't helped me when I needed him, why would I try to be anything remotely close to loving toward him.

Emily Vincent

I was so young, so naive, not willing, nor trying. But, I did go to youth group, and i think that accounts for atleast half the person I am today. I would have to thank Emily for it all, you see. Way back then, we were best of friends. She was my best friend, and we'd have so much fun together. I have many videos to prove that one.

I could be myself, she loved me , even when I was weird - since shes weird tooo! She could respect and even love that, I loved being myself, around someone, it was nice. Me and Emily grew up and grew apart. I did so much bad to her, I'm surprised she'll even look me in the eyes, I could never forgive for what I did, but I hope she has

Getting close to her sister , Rachel; has got us talking again, and 'deep'. I trust her, and I hope and pray, she trusts me too . I know it wouldn't be easy, but I hope me keeping my word in situations we were involved in has help. Our love for her sister, and our caring for her safety has helped us become friends.

Emily, witohut you, I honestly don't know where or what I would be. You helped me in so many times of need. When me and Emma weren't friends and I was so close to letting go and giving up, but I didn't because I had you. You helped me, by talking and comforting me.

You are a huge part of who I am, and why I am "me" . I hope one day you realize how much you've truly helped me in this path we call life. Friends or not, 20 years down the road, I'll remember, you helped me get here.
I love you.
Thank-you.

Day Seven.

I'm proud of myself, everyday I've done one of these, yay :)


"I can get the candy, I'm going to bulk barn to get candy for my party anyways" I didn't know saying those few words in Science that day in grade eight, would haunt me. Nor did I know it would start one of the most amazing friendships I've ever had.

Emma Hazell
Since that faithful day in grade eight, I've had a best friend. I've had a friend by my side, if literally or not, since that day. I've never been given up on , or not cared for. My life has changed drastically since we met, and I couldn't imagine going back to how it used to be, every single day.

The first time she moved , teared me apart more than anything in this world, it also helped me become the person I am, and deal with things the way I do. In a weird, twisted, way I am thankful I had to go through the experience.

Since then shes moved away again, it was hard this time, but nothing like last time. Her return this time, made our friendship more amazing than anything ever before. We have every class together but ONE this year, and it helps strengthen our friendship on a regular basis.

For the rest of my life, my family is her family, my house is her house, my clothes are her clothes, and my friendship is her friendship.

I love you to death, Emma. Thank-you for all you've done for me, I would be lost without you.

Day Six.

I sat in church on this beautiful thanksgiving morning, I sat beside a woman I have known for a while and respect a lot. She has been there through a lot for all of us, she is not only my sunday school teacher, youth group leader, but she is someone I look up to and respect a lot. I sat there, and watched her slowly and quietly breakdown, a woman who has been through so much in her lifetime, and continues to, as a single mom to two young men, on autistic, a teacher, a youth group leader and a sunday school teacher, I don't know how she does it.

Carron Manning.
I remember many good times with Carron around, I remember youth first starting with Uncle Mike and Elsa, and Carron too. I was scared, I was used to youth one way and one way only, they were about to dramatically change this and I wasn't ready.

Carron has been my sunday school teacher for quite a few years now, I remember being upset with some of the ways she does her lessons, and not respecting her the way she deserved, not giving her my all, and wasting her time. I have put Carron through a lot, and that is a new realization to me. I've disrespected her, I've ignored her, and I have wasted her time, time and time again. I am now mature enough and old enough to admit my faults.

Carron goes out of her way for all of us, she does whatever she can, and she cares and loves us uncondionally. I know I would not be where I am with God, or with anyone, had Carron not been a part of my life.

I always knew she was strong, but watching her break down today made me realize the amounts of strength it must take just to live the life shes been given. I love you, Carron - thank-you, for not giving up on ME when I wanted nothing to do with what you were saying.

Day Five!

I'm going to take a different path on today, because last night, someone really helped me when I was 'down', so this is for you :)

The doorbell rang, and I remember running to my room and hiding. Emma was here, and I knew who was at the door, I could see her. I knew I was going to get in trouble, I knew she was here to defend her daughter. My Mom had no idea what was about to come, all I could do was hide. I slightly opened my door, so I could hear what they were talking about - afterall it involved me - right?

I heard the conversation go something like her teling my mom what I had said to her daughter on facebook, the awful words I relayed to her, saying it because I was mad. Things I would never want said to me, yet I said them to others.

That night, I never expected this woman would mean as much as she does to me now. I never thought I would look up to her as I do, see her as a motherly figure as I do.

Sue Vincent,

I remember going through the hardest part of my life last year, many people got me out of the rutt I was far jammed into, but honestly, without her I would still be there, she is the main person I have to thank for that. I remember her bringing the bible over to my house that one night, I remember looking at her and thinking, that book will not get me out of the depression, the pills, the alcohol, and the rutt. I remember her sitting there telling me she loved me and thought of me as a daughter, and cared for me as one. I remember wantign to work hard to get out of it, not only for me, but for the lovely support team I had in all five of the vincents.

Sue, I don't know where I would be or what I would do without you, I am so glad you are in my life and I love you.

p.s each of the vincents have helped me differently, and each of them will get their blog one day- even toria :]

school,

arghhh. such a hard choice, for school and stuff - but i'm coming into the second month of school, and realizing its my second last year, and soon enough i'll be choosing classes for next year. It is a stressful process, as I need to know WHAT I want to be in order to choose cclasses. I spoke to one of the people in the guidance office, Mrs.Munro, and changed my ENTIRE schedule, once again for next semester. Although, i think my decisions were good, I am nervous for how hard it is going to be and what to expect. I have changed it many times, this being the last. This morning, I went in there having a two period co-op , college math, and parenting. I left with mixed level math, a peer helping with mrs.story, and mrs.munro [my favourite teachers :)] university english and an antropology, sociogoly and psycology class. Much different than previously, I know. I did not want to drop my co-op but I know, I need that English to get into anything next year. It was either that, or summer school. Which I don't want to do, especially for a MONTH. Ugh, so I guess we'll see. I have to go tell the teacher I was orginally co-oping for that I can't do it anymore, I feel so bad. But, In order to become something, in social sciences, I need SIX University classes next year, and I only get eight. So, I need to get my hard classes done, now. I guess I get six hard ones next semester, ahh . Life-- its killer aha. Not to mention I need like an 80 average atleast to get into the university I want to ... : ugh, it'll be a hard year next year.

Day four.

Another one for the internet, I figure that is a good theme to start with, as theres many of them. This might be different than anyother one I've ever done.

"I wonder if its in the mail yet" I exclaimed as I RAN to mail box daily. It was just days after my grade eight graduation and everyday I would check the mail. I was WAITING for that card and that little present that I didn't know what was coming. Finally it arrived. "Caitlin Marr" the envelope said. I was so excited, I ran home and opened it .

In that envelope there was a beautiful picture, of Glo, Monica and her starting over cousin, who I loved a lot. The little present, was a cross, a cross I still have and look at often for a smile, when I think of us and our previous friendship.

Glo Ayala

Glo meant a lot to me, she was there for me through many tough times, I remember many days coming home and everyday like three, we would go on webcam and microphone , we had many good times, and I miss that.

We often discussed meeting, mainly at my highschool graduation, she promised she'd be there, it is going to be hard when she isn't.

We went through a lot, a lot together, a lot seperately, a lot in general. When she lost her son, we all lost her. She went through so much she just wasn't who she used to be. I often felt selfish for being upset she was different, when she had so much going on. I understood she was different, and that was going to happen. I couldn't get over being treated terrible.

The last straw was when she was in Spain with Jessica, she did so many terrible things to Jess. The thing was, I would of literally done anything to go on that trip, anything in my power. I couldn't, Glo could - and she totally ruined it. I said many harsh words, and said things I don't mean. The truth is, I miss her. But I guess thats life.

Day three.

I am starting with "internet" friends, people I met online and kept talking to for a while to come.

I logged onto Myspace on January 1st, 2007, I had requested a friend on myspace merely the day before. I saw her on Jessicas page and was interested, curiousity got the best of me, like always. But I would not of traded my curious ways for anything - not when these situations come out of it.

I remember being really hurt, that new years. I had drank the night before, for the first time, as young and unexperienced grade nine, I thought I was having fun, and I figured why not, everyone else did it. Not everyone felt that way. I remember Jessica being so disapointed, not BECAUSE I drank, but because my reasons. It seeems as if I am going off track, but it all plays a part in this friendship.

December 31st, 2006. I got into a huge fight with Glo, she'll have a blog soon. She hurt me so bad, she did things I had never expected from her, but she lost her son only months previously. I was young, and I was hurt. The things she said still stick with me these days, I drank to numb the pain I didn't know how to numb otherwise.

Megan Meyers

Megan sent me an e-mail that day. She sent me one, filled with compassion and understanding, an explanation, since she too knew Jessica, she understood her point of few. I respect Megan greatly for that day. Jessica was mad, Glo was out of the picture, and I felt alone, Megan helped me a lot.

That was only the start of our friendship, I remember many days needing someone and Megan being right there. I leant on her A LOT for never ending and always loving support, I would of been lost without her some of those days. She considered me like a little sister, and I looked up to her as a big one. I worshipped her in the non-weird, non-creepy way. I'd never had an older sister, and I didn't see anything more amazing than this.

We had our hard times, too. I put her through a lot, I expected her to fix every single problem I had, I realize later, that was not humanly possible. Megan has encountered a lot in her 31 years on this planet, and to her, I'm sure they looked like little, pety problems, and anyone else would of shrugged them off - not my big sister!

We would talk on the phone for hours, and laugh about absolutely nothing. I would have so much fun on the phone with her, and we'd talk about meeting, and other things. When the world walked out, my sister walked in.

The hardest thing I've probably ever had to deal with was partically brought on by myself. I sent the most terrible e-mail I have ever sent to anyone. I feel bad for it to this day, It was filled with ill words and harsh accusations. I regret it, it brought on something that may not of occured, and really affected me.

I remember logging on the next day, and she had deleted her myspace and facebook. I remember texting her, and being terrible upset when I did not get a response. I did not realize this is how things would be for the next months. Many many months, I went without talking to Megan. I was hurt, and distrought inside. I didn't know, the feeling of "loss" until my big sister disappeared.

I went to such an extent, I called her work and almost called her neighbours asking where she was. I needed her. I was going through a lot, and I wanted my sister to be by my side. I wanted to hear she loved me, and to hear I was important to her. She finally emailed me just days after almost calling her neighbours. I remember getting that e-mail, and just crying. Not because what she said, because I knew - she was alive, she was around, and my sister was back

Things really haven't been the same since she stopped talking to me almost a year and a half ago. We're back in contact, and we still talk almost daily. I love her as much as I did before. I still hold a bit of a grudge, but sis, I'm working on it.

Day Two

Well I am on the Kentucky "path" I think I should do another person who has influenced me greatly over the few years I've known her.

"I'm beautiful" "I'm beautiful" "I'm beautiful" I looked in the mirror and said. I didn't believe it, but my friend decided if I look in the mirror and say it 10 times a day, maybe I will one day believe it. I said many many times, and still have yet to believe it. I remember calling her, and saying "Suzi! I said it 10 times today and yesterday, and i STILL don't believe it" She was shopping, it was a saturday or sunday morning, I don't know how I remember the details.

Suzi Hampton

I'd met Suzi online a while back. I was into starting over at this point, and had all the starting over girls on my myspace page. Suzi did too, and she would comment them and their pictures and I would see her. One picture caught my eye of her, and I still remember it. She was wearing a pretty bright green colored sweater, with a really dark blue background. I remember being curious, as her comments were always so nice.

I remember adding Suzi, in fear of her being like " who are you little girl, get off my page". She accepted me, and from that moment on, she was one of the nicest people I have ever met...

Suzi has come to Toronto many times , and many times I remember aching to meet her. I would do anything to get down to that airport, but I never could. It was sad, because I loved and love Suzi a whole lot, and knowing she is an hour away, tops, is hard when you have never met.

I remember Jess telling me she[as in Jess] was coming , in March, for my baptism. I was overjoyed. I was so excited to see her again. She said she had a surprise too. I guessed endless days this surprise, and did not get an answer for a long , long , time. I had never quite guessed THIS, that she would bring her best friend to see me. Her best friend, Suzi. She ended up bringin her little daughter Caitlin too, but that is a whole another day blog.

I remember, standing outside, seeing the van drive down the street. Nerves like nothing else overtook my whole body. I wanted to turn around and run inside, but then remembered they were coming inside so that wouldn't do much. I stood there as the van pulled to a stop. Jess got out of the drivers seat and I gave her a big hug. That wasn't hard, I had already met her and was estatic to see her again. Suzi got out of the passengers seat, and it was like a sigh of relief for me, FINALLY. Finally I had met this woman who I talked to for like two years, and I was finally face to face with her.

Day One.

My first day I decided I would blog about someone who is very close to me, and who I care about very deeply, you have heard a lot about her, so the challenge will moreso be to say what you haven't.

"I'm soo maad, I can't stand you Mom and dad."
That remark started one of the most amazing friendships I could ever ask for. August 16th, 2006. I was a confused, sad, thirteen year old who missed her friend in Guatamala. I was wanting one thing and one thing only, that one thing I did not receive, but I got a better gift, one I could of never expected. A friendship, one that has lasted over two years now. Jessica Reynolds, a 32 year old woman, who had encountered a lot in her life, and was going through losing her step daughter, responded to that sad bulletin. Asking me if there was anyway she could help, although I didn't take her up on her help then, shes been my saving grace for the past almost 26 months. Her simple request started a friendship that has been my life, and saved me from so much.

Jessica Reynolds

I care about her a lot, I care about her like a mom, and like a friend who is always understanding. She provides a motherly love and care, and understanding like no other friend I had ever had. She gets mad at me when I do wrong things, which has helped me a lot. If I drink, she knows, and she gets mad, which makes me feel bad, and stops me. Her friendship, is not just a friendship, it is a loving, safe, 'home' that I can always count on. We do not talk everyday, anymore, which truthfully is better for the both of us. But, I know. The second I need her, she is there.

I love her a lot, I don't know what I would do without her and her direction. I would be stuck in so many rutts if I didn't have her as a backup. I love this story, so I am going to tell it, because i'm sure its one that hasn't been heard.

I ran upstairs, and shut my door, as Jessica and Suzi and my Mom finished their supper. I sat on my computer, crying, and loathing in self pity. Suzi came and checked on me, knowing I left dinner pretty quick. "Are you okay, sweetie?" said Suzi in her kentucky accent. "Yeah I'm fine" as I wiped away the tears. She gave me a hug, knowing I wasn't fine, but I clearly did not want to talk about it. Jessica walked into my room, and asked what was wrong. I was bawling at this point "Nothing!". "If nothing is wrong then why are you crying?" .. I replied almost as in a grunt " I don't know .." and just kept on the computer as she sat down on my bed. She knew something was wrong and wasn't going to let me get away that easily. She presurred me a bit more " Something must be wrong, and saying I don't know isn't getting us anywhere". I finally exclaimed, " I guess.. you and Suzi know each other so well and talk about stuff and I feel left out ". A sudden feeling of not only relief but stupidity came over me. Jessica drove hours and hours to come see me, and I was acting like this. She said "We live in the same place, this is real life for us, and we didn't mean to not include you ". "I guess, this trip is just a lot different than the first one and I wasn't expecting it, I was expecting more me and you time". The more I spoke the more stupid I felt. I requested Jessica to bring Suzi and Caitlin, and I really wanted to meet them, why was I behaving like this, am I that pathetic? We went into my bathroom, she was going to dye my hair. I was still bawling, I don't know what was wrong with me. She passed me a klenex and said "Now its coming out of your nose" I started laughing, I think that was what I needed . Jessica requested me and her go out for lunch the next day, her last day. It took a lot of convincing but I did convince them, and I had an amazing time. Jessica took me out for lunch, and paid for my lunch. After driving like 10 hours to visit me, SHE was taking me out of lunch. Something wasn't right, but I guess thats Jessica for you.

I love you so much , Jess. Thank you, I wouldn't have it any other way. My first blog, my first day of 365.

365 days,

On myspace I had decided I was going to blog for the next 365 days, about someone who has impacted my life, either positively, or negatively. I got this idea from the very special Jessica Reynolds. I decided I would perfer to do it on here as I would rather do it on this site, where it is a little more private from people I do not want to read it, as they do not have my link. It should be an interesting challenge to do so, as 365 days is a lot - I'm sure it will bring up much emotion, pain, and bad feelings. But I am ready for it :]