Acceptance.

Accepting me, for me, has been a long and hard battle for me. One I have yet to conquer, yet to beat. I still have those same negative feelings towards myself. I always wonder, why can't I just love myself for the person I am? Tonight while thinking about this situation, I came up with the answer closest to what I see as the truth.

My whole life, my family has tried to accept me, and try to love me, for me. For all my flaws and imperfections, that continued appearing rapidly after the age 10. I don't think my family ever has truly accepted me, not all of me. Not the many imperfections, or the attitude that springs out of my mouth involuntarily, not the lack of love I tend to show.

I know my dad never grew up in a "lovey-dovey" home, so for him its "hard" to express love. I know it is hard for me, when I say "goodnight I love you" and he responds with just "goodnight". If theres one thing I want my dad to know before the day that either of us leave this earth, he was my ultimate role model, and i love him so much.

When I am not often reminded that my family loves me, or is proud of me, or even accepts me , and all of me, then it makes me feel worthless. If my own family isn't going to love me, who will? Those questions run through my head, the feelings, and I go back to my usual way of thinking, and total lack of respect to myself. Oh, gotta love being a teenager.