Forgiveness.

At church this Sunday, the wonderful Dr. Ronn Young came to preach, although his messages are looooong, I always take something away from them. He preached on forgiveness on Saturday. The service began by the deacons handing out little snow flake sticky notes, to everyone, but no one saying what to do with them, so we all held on to them. He said, near the end of the service, that they were to write the person you need to forgive most on, and then throw it in the bucket, as if to get rid of it, and to let go of it. Almost instantly I thought of myself; I really need to forgive myself, but as I got thinking, that is the second person I would put on there.

I realized there is one person I have not forgave, not since I was long enough to realize what she had done to me, and my family. I dislike holding grudges terribly, I feel like a bad person and wrong for doing it, so I avoid it, but this one woman has hurt me and the people I care about too much.

I picked up my yellow snow flake and wrote Francis Walmsley. I threw it in the bucket, and let go of my anger, my hatred, and my hurt, and all the negative feelings I had toward her. She is my grandmother, my moms mom, and has never been a great part of the family. You see, when I was very young I met her, young enough to not remember, young enough enough to know anything about my very own "nanny". She did some terrible things to my mom. Said some things, and never remained "in touch", not as if she has an excuse, she only lives 10 minutes away. This hurts me a lot, not only does she hurt my Mom and not try to keep in touch with my Mom, but she does not take the time to call her granddaughter, and has not even met her grandson. She wasn't there at my grad, for my birthdays, and won't be there to see me turn 16, or graduate high school, and although that hurts a lot.

I've forgiven her.