I guess I'll never change.

I desperately ache to change, I do, in every way possibly imaginable I want to be a different person, a better person.

The more I say it, the more I long to be different and to change, but I still don't know how to do it.
I am a christian teen, that simple fact sets me apart from most other teenagers, but that isn't exactly the CHANGE or difference I am going for.

I am a rollercoaster, my emotions are constantly up and down, and it's huge drastics, I honestly swear I am bi-polar but the doctor doesn't agree, and he's the one with the P.Hd so I guess he knows what hes talking about.

When I am up, I am UP. I am high on life, I am happy , laughing, smiling and cheerful. I am hyper, loving, silly, crazy .. I am the Caitlin that people ENJOY spending time with, I am the Caitlin I wish I knew HOW to be constantly.

When I am down, I have hit rock bottom. I melt down in huge ways, I cry, I scream, anything and everything can affect my mood. The littlest of things can send me to the end of the rope. It's scary for me - but I know it's scary for those whom have witnessed it or who have to try to calm me down. Ask Carron, Madyson or Rach - they can vouch haha.

My problem is learning how to have a nice middle ground. No one is happy all the time, it is not possible nor human nature. But having a nice mixture of happiness & sadness is all I need to get by. Hopefully, in time..