I am angry.

There is no denying, no hiding, or no POINT in lying about this anger that is taking over me. I am angry, I am so angry!

I am angry that my Bampa is an asshole, a jerk & inconsiderate. I don't want you in my life if you don't want to be here. I don't want you to be here half the time, I don't want you to be here when YOU want too and it is beneficial for you. I was hurt, almost devastated when I arrived home today and I saw that card sitting there. Don't you know I love you Bampa, and that absolutely destroyed me? I am trying to put you behind me - trying to forget about you, trying to imagine you don't exist, it makes your rejection a lot easier. Sure I pretend I don't care, I don't love you, I don't need you - BUT I LOVE YOU, how couldn't I? You're my grandfather, you were here for me before I cared Nana Frankie existed. You came on trips with me, you came to watch me graduate, you made an impression even on my friends. I can never explain to you how much it breaks me into pieces when I hear my friends say "awh, he is so nice & funny" .. Yeah you were nice, and he were funny - why did you stop caring? When did you stop caring? How did you stop caring, how could you? I didn't do anything..

Without the second car things are soo difficult, my dad was offered overtime, and obviously would not decline when we are in need of the money. I work til 10:30 tonight, so I am now responsible for finding a way home from work. I can't ask Carron- she drove me to whitby today! I can't ask Cathy, she's done her part. I can't ask anyone - it's not fair to them, it's not their responsibility. So i get to take the cab tonight. I'm terrified. I don't want to want to take the cab;
ugh.

F M L.