My dad.

My hero, and the man I look up to. Yet, hurts me more than anyone in this world. I don't get it, I couldn't love him anymore if you asked me, but he doesn't seem like he knows how to return the love. He's an amazing father and I wouldnt want anyone to think otherwise, but one thing about him, just destroy me completely. The only thing I would change about my father is his smoking. Not only does it literally kill me, it emotionally destroys me.



I am so scared to lose my dad, and I am losing him to smoking. Its an on going battle and one I have never quite won because the second that cigarette hits his mouth I am down again. The worst part, is he tries to quit yet I can never trust him about it anymore. Not that I should trust him or have any reason to, catching him smoking behind my back destroys and uliminates that trust completely. I have given up trying to convince him to quit smoking, if he wants to, he will. If not, I will be one of the unlucky that loses my father to cancer, knowing it would be a battle that could be totally avoided if he really loved me enough to do it.



Sure, I believe smoking is hard to quit, and maybe I don't know what its like, but its an extremely selfish act, not only are you killing yourself, youre also killing those who live with you and have to face you everyday, and you're smoking. You are causing yourself, your family, and your house to have a stench no one really wants to smell, including me. Its something I have been working on changing for some time.



I am a person who believes that cancer paitents that have lung cancer, because they spent their life smoking, do not deserve the hospital care/beds and they should be saved for those who are sick, and not by choice. If my father is in the situation that he has lung cancer, because of this, my opinions will obviously change because I want the best for him, but deep inside, I will never agree with this.



Until the day I pass, or he passes, the one thing I will never forgive him for is smoking. For smoking my whole life, for smoking for a huge part of his life. For not listening all the times I begged him to quit. For not getting the hint when we would flush his cigarettes down the toilet. For sneaking behind our backs and smoking when I was of course most proud of him, thinking he was finally changing. Thats the only thing I would ever dare to change about him, because in reality, he is my daddy, and I am a daddies girl, and I love no one more than him.