Friends.

Today my former best friend brought up something that I have never realized that I will never forget eitherr. It was brought up how I tend to have one main friend and like two back up ones, and that happens to be this situation. I mean, those two friends aren't "back up" i love them just as much, but, I am stuck with having minimum friends because I am too scared to open up to others and let them see me.

This traces back to my constant fear of rejection. I am terrified I will "put myself" out there only to be rejected by those I try to befriend. I am worried that anything could stand in the way of me being someone with a few friends I can rely on. I would much rather have a few close friends than many I can't trust, but the thought of my little amount of friends doesn't help me.

It used to be me and jen, she had no one else and neither did I. I liked it, she on the other hand didn't. It then changed to me and Emma, it is still that way, with Emily and Kayla also as a few of my close friends. I love all three of them and I can count on them when I need someone, but I am wondering if I am missing something by not making more friends.

I will never be someone you consider popular and I am content with that. I am self concious enough without having the pressure of EVERYONE looking at me and judging every single little move I make. I never wanted to be one of them, or be looked upon as one of them, but I would not mind being a little more well known.