....still confused.

I figure I will blog since I was supposed to be leaving my house six minutes ago for church, but was told the wrong time. So I am ALL ready an hour early, woohoo -- NOT. Could of slept in, anyways. I really have not gotten any advice on this Emma thing and it is begining to take over my mind . I now know they are coming back on the 26th , tuesday. Yes, THIS tuesday. It seems very rushed to me. It is Sunday and I am still no where near ready for this. Both times shes moved here, and moved away, I've messed up. I've lost friends, I've not spent enough time with her, I've spent too much time with her, I've avoided her. I just do not know WHAT to do.. I am confused, scared, depressed, excited, and anxious. I cannot wait to see my best friend, I am pumped, I will probably cry when her limo [ if that is what she brings again ] rolls down the street. I will probably jump up and down and hug her as tight as I can. I will probably tell her I missed her a lot and I am glad she is back. This in its self, is all truth, and something I would not make up. The hard part is what I am not going to tell her. I'm scared shes back, I'm terrified. I am not ready to comprimise. I am not going to stop going to church - like I did once upon a time. Life just became too complex. I am not going to lose Jen, and Rachel - I just can't. It becomes hard since Jen and Emma are not anywhere near friends. I am filled with nerves, when thinking about my birthday party. I am turning 16, in just over two weeks - sixteen. I am not having a huge party like many people my age would, as I do not have many friends. I am inviting eight people to my party. My lover boy (:, Jenn, Emma, Emily . C, Kayla, Emily V, Rachel , Kimberley, and Stephanie. LOL I guess that is nine. If any of you knew this mix match of people , you would shutter when reading it. Stephanie, and Emily Culter, and Kayla hate each other. Emily Vincent and Stephanie aren't friends, Emma and Jen can't stand each other. Rachel and Emily V. are sisters and havea huge tendancy to fight. Wow, that spells drama to me. I guess me Kim and Nick will have a good time while everyone else fights LOL. I went a LITTLE off topic, I tend to do that, but it lead to one another. Me and Emmas friendship did not go well when she was gone. I had found out a secret she did not tell me and I was hurt on MANY levels. Not only was my best friend keeping something pretty important from me, it involved dating my ex boyfriend [whom she knew I was madly in love with] and not telling me. That broke me in pieces, and I was so hurt to find out she did not tell me. I did not know I was hurting her by not hanging out. That was not my intention , although I did back away hugely when I found out she was moving. I would not hang out at all, because I was HOPING it would make it easier. Last time she moved , the first time, I spent every waking moment with her and I have never EVER cried as hard as I did that day, week, month, year - so I figured that would help. I was wrong - I've tried it all, I'm terrified she'll move again, and what will that leave me.
Even more hurt, confused, and anxious than I am now.
Please, give me suggestions.